Awesome Article: How to Brush Your Teeth

Some sites must really be hurting for content.  I see “how to” articles that appear to have been written by a bored summer intern pulling tips out of his back dark privateness.  But there’s probably low to middling money in that, so I thought I’d create my own article in the style of the great news portal masters.  Behold, “How to Brush Your Teeth”:

Brushing your teeth can be quite complicated, but following these simple steps can make the difference between sparkling white choppers and a mangled maw of rotting tree stumps.

1)     Get a toothbrush.  Be sure it’s weighted properly for your hand.  If it’s too heavy, you’ll get worn out too soon and not complete the necessary cleaning.  If it’s too light, it might slip out of your hand and gouge the eye out of a small child, cursing them to a life of pirate jokes.  Don’t substitute a stick from the backyard.

2)     Get toothpaste.  Make sure it has a flavor that doesn’t make you vomit and that it has fluoride – unless of course you’re against fluoride, in which case you should get a toothpaste that does NOT have fluoride.  Colorful or sparkly toothpastes will make you all happy and want to brush more.  Brown toothpaste is probably not toothpaste, and therefore should be avoided.

3)     Brush your teeth.  First make sure they’re your own teeth.  It can be dangerous if you accidentally brush someone else’s teeth, especially if they don’t know you and just got out of prison.  Don’t forget to brush all of your teeth, lest a tooth or two get left out and become all disgruntled and cavity-infested. Don’t mess this step up.

There.  That is how you brush your teeth.  I hope you enjoyed this informative awesome article that took me almost 12 minutes to write.

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